When A Parent Says

I am not gonna write a long intro here considering that you just have to see your reality from a different point of view. We as human beings frequently mix up our real feelings with our emotions created almost instantly by some problems. Exclusively the wise ones, or the dads and moms who have read this article (!), can put their emotions and impulsive reactions aside and always communicate what they feel inside of them. I am going to tell you what “I hate my child” really signifies. Children are good at pushing our buttons, they make us be impulsive, do or say things we often regret.

I want to be more straightforward here. Saying “I hate my child” is the normal consequence (yes, I mean that) of the bad emotions that keep being accumulated. The emotions and circumstances I’m speaking about most likely are your best enemies right now: frustration, anger, over-protective feeling, lack of time, irritability, defiant behavior in your kid, not being listened to, no compassion from your kid or spouse, tiredness… It is a bad circle for a key reason, often tough to accept: You misinterpret your little one’s behaviour and believe you’re a victim. I am not being harsh here, it is a truth you really have to deal with. It’s only when you put things in perspective that you can react differently and consequently take the time to reevaluate your real feeling.

3 questions you should really ask yourself:

* Is it my anger (or any other bad emotion) that pushes me to think I hate my child?
* Do I hate him (his personality) or his behaviour?
* What if I’m impacting on his behavior?

A bad behavior in a kid is a way of expressing himself. You really have to teach him alternatives, become aware of what hides a tantrum. I am not blaming you. I remember when I was so exasperated and exhausted that I used to shout, wanted to spank, was reacting impulsively to avoid a tantrum. This is the worst thing to do.

Your role is, with other things, to teach things to your little one, to prepare him to the adult world. Teach him what is wrong and right, how to communicate his feelings, help him have a good image of himself, and so on. No one ever stated parenting was easy! There is a part of your little one that you don’t perceive at this moment and there is a part of your personality that your kid doesn’t see either. You know so little of your little one, how could you seriously say and mean “I hate my child”? Think it over.

No one is a bad parent. Communicating with kids is a thing we really have to learn merely because we’re not born mums and dads. You have to remember that each reaction you have has an immediate effect on your little one’s behaviour. This is why, today, you think it is part of his personality but it is not. Little ones are not adults, they are not “complete”. Impulsivity does not give any place for real feelings. As well, be mindful of what hides your child’s reactions. When a child says “I hate you”, he does not mean it, trust me, he doesn’t understand what hate is. Always make a distinction between your little one and his behaviors, which you can improve.

The conclusion of this is: “I hate my child” hides a different feeling, a true one, that is: “I hate my little one’s behaviour”. It has nothing to do with your love for your little one! Don’t feel guilty! If your kid has an intolerable behaviour, it is normal to dislike it. The truth is, you can not ask and expect your little one to change his behaviour if you don’t improve yours first. Did you ever try to react differently? To remain calm and speak softly? This is crucial.

I think that the other articles I published may be helpful to you, in particular the ones about how to communicate in a better way with your child. You need clear advices to use. If you are prepared to make a change happen, you will succeed. Support might be helpful too, I know what it is to struggle alone (even with your spouse) and have questions unanswered. Several extremely efficient parenting methods exist that you could apply. What I like is that they provide the right tools to understand children and an easy-to-apply program to make a lasting change in your child’s behavior and your relationship with him. The full support is priceless.

“I hate my child” will not be part of your vocabulary anymore if you promptly do something about the problem and concentrate on what you have to enhance in yourself first. You will not feel stressed by your parenting “job” again. Every parent can overcome that feeling and get peace back.

If you’re interested, there’s a website created by parents for parents where you’ll find a selection of valuable parenting methods and reviews of each of them. The website is www.YourParentingHelp.com.
Good luck !

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