Setting Childrens Potential For Success (or Failure)

Over the years, as a dance teacher to young students, I have had a lot of parents to concerned about whether or not their child will actually perform in a recital, show, or program. “I’m going to teach a class full of 15 three year olds to do the same exact thing… at the same exact time… on a stage in front of an audience full of parents”… sound unrealistic? There is one very important difference… I expect them to do it. You will never hear me say “she is not going to do it” or anything like that. Kids hearing parents say those things is the problem. Parents voice their expectations and the children will do exactly what their parents expect from them. Believe me; I catch myself doing it with my own children. Do not do it. Do not set them up for failure.

Countless times parents bring their little ones to dance class and the first thing they say is: “Sally is really shy and scared so I think I should come in with her”. They just took any power that Sally had right out of her. Parents vocalize their expectations (or lack of…) maybe so they will not be so disappointed, but their children’s ears are wide open – they hear it and absorb it. I can tell immediately if a child is truly shy and needs her mom or if she is just playing her mom like a violin.

For example, when Creative Movement dance class begins you will find me squatted down at the door of my room greeting my little dancers. Why? I want that child to see a smiling face that is happy to see her. Second, I want that child to walk in my room all by herself – without mom. Why? It gives that child a sense of security that they can do this all by themselves. It is also “their territory”. Yes, I know, there are some children that need their mom to come in with them, sit and watch so they know this is a safe and fun place to be. There is nothing that makes me prouder than to see a little one who previously had a hard time walking in all by herself, put her bag up, get on her number, and wave bye to Mommy.

I recently performed “Miss Kim’s Nutcracker” with my day care students. It was so much fun but a huge undertaking. Almost every child performed… I had a couple little ones that escaped to Mommy but that is ok. There was one little girl that just made me cry right on stage. She is always well behaved, a great listener, and she loves dance class. It was her groups turn to perform and she looked out and saw all the people. She continued to dance but she covered her eyes with her hands. That’s determination. She worked through her problems and handled the situation the best way she knew how… “just cover my eyes and they won’t be there”! She touched me so much. Now… what do you think she would have done if her Mommy was right there… yep… run right to her and then she would have never gained the experience of figuring it out on her own.

My youngest son is a good example. I am guilty of smothering him with way too much attention. But, before he performs on stage, at church, or school I hardly mention it. I do not blow it up to a huge expectation that he feels he could never accomplish. I simply tell him that today you are going to… and Mommy and Daddy are going to have so much fun watching you. I know that it is best if I am not around beforehand because that would totally mess him up.

Parents, have you ever noticed how well your child behaves in that type of situation or in a classroom, and then we go and get them and they just totally fall apart? Why is that? Well, I seem to think it is their comfort zone; they are free to release emotions. Just like when we moms have a very hard day and we finally see our husbands and fall apart… either by yelling or screaming at them… or just wanting them to hold us.

The next time your child starts something new, like Children’s Dance, remember to allow them to do it own their own. I know you want to see everything that is going on, but the reward of watching your child do something all by themselves, and allowing themselves to enjoy what they are doing, is far more rewarding than hearing “Mommy….don’t leave!”.

Miss Kim

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