Divorce And Grandparents

Divorce And Grandparents

Divorce and Grandparents

HOW DO WE SEE OUR GRANDCHILDREN AFTER DIVORCE ?

Grandparents often lose regular contact with their grandchildren after divorce if their son or daughter does not get custody and the custodial parent does not encourage the relationship with the grandchildren. In these situations it can be devastating to the grandparents and detrimental to the children. Children go through a grief process after divorce, and losing contact with one set of grandparents can increase the sense of loss and abandonment they feel. In this article I will give you some suggestions about how to stay in touch with your grandchildren.
If you are not able to talk with them by phone, send cards, letters and gifts by mail. Anything that says “I love you and I’m thinking about you” can nurture your relationship with them. When you do send cards and letters, avoid saying anything negative about the parents.  Children need to love both parents and saying anything negative about them can damage their self esteem. It is also wise to avoid getting into your thoughts and feelings about their mom and dad’s divorce. Doing that would only make them feel uncomfortable.
If you can talk with them by phone, ask them how school is, and about their favorite subjects and any extra-curricular activities they are involved in,such as sports or special classes they are taking. Ask about any upcoming special programs at school. You can also suggest meeting them for lunch in the school cafeteria. This is an especially good strategy, because it allows you to maintain your relationship with them without getting into the divorce. Your grandchildren will know you care if you can visit them at school. This will be especially important after a divorce, because they are feeling uncertain about life in general after their parents’ breakup and anything they can look forward to with regularity can help them adjust easier.
If your grandchildren have access to a home computer, send them emails and special e-cards that let them know you are thinking about them. Any opportunity for keeping in contact will help them and you. Kids need contact with aunts and uncles and grandparents even more after a divorce. Staying in touch with your adult son or daughter when they have the kids for visits is a good way to keep up with what’s happening with your grandchildren. Make it a point to find out what days or weekends your son or daughter has the kids, and call them the day before to work out some way to spend some time with them. Any time you spend with them is special, and it doesn’t have to be anything out of the ordinary. Go visit and watch them play.Or suggest that they get out a game that you can both play together.
Another idea is fixing a meal for them and your son or daughter. Divorced parents who have weekend visits with their kids have a lot on their plate, so helping them by fixing meals for the family will get you a lot of appreciation. When you are able to visit the grandchildren when their mom or dad has them for the weekend, take a notepad and ask about the schedule of the kids’visits, and write it down. This way you will have it available so you can keep in touch when they visit again. Call your son or daughter in advance of the next visit to arrange a time for you to see them.
Another suggestion you can use is this: find out when there is some free activity going on near them that would be of interest. Doing something fun can promote a sense of family that kids need after a diovrce, and they will appreciate you as a grandparent even more for doing it. When you do something like this, your grandchildren will look forward to the times that you visit.Divorce doesn’t have to mean losing contact with your grandchildren. If you put some time and effort into organizing ways of keeping in touch, it can be a fulfilling experience for you and them.

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