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You Know it Doesn’t Come Easy

Posted on September 29th, 2008 in Parenting

As if parents didn’t have it hard enough, research has come out that might leave some of us scratching our heads, wondering, “Why did I do this again?” The research shows that sometimes parent and child might actually be “mismatched.”

We’re not talking like wearing different color socks, or a striped tie with a plaid coat. We’re talking fundamentally different–conflicting personalities and temperaments. In other words, a wild child can be born to a quiet, sedate parent. Or a shy recluse can be born to an overbearing, type-A. Talk about a difficult parenting problem! However you juxtapose the personalities, it can be a rather distressing situation, all 18 years of it! One of the keys to overcoming this difficult parenting problem is to remember that you are the adult. As old and mature as children sometimes like to pretend they are, they still don’t know how to be an adult. Simply because they aren’t one.

They cannot come up to your adult level whether they want to or not. So what can you do to reach them? You must understand the three roles that you’ve experienced, and will experience, in your life: Parent: As the parent, your role in all this–during good times and bad difficult parenting problems–is to weather the difficult parenting issues by reaching down to your child’s level. You are the disciplinarian, friend, protector, rule-setter and confidant.

Child: As anyone with kids can tell you–or even if you’ve ever just watched a kid throw a tantrum on his mom in the toy store–children demand instant gratification yet are entirely dependent on the parent to get it. This role is best described by a “me, me, me!” attitude. But the child is the follower of rules that the parent sets out. The Parent-Child relationship can be unhealthy because as a parent, you might tend to take on a superior role with your inferior child. When your child acts like that egotistical, “me, me, me” child, you can get annoyed and go into Parent mode, enforcing your rules. And you should!

Adult: Yet as a parent, you always have to be the adult, meaning you bear the responsibility of creating equality between Parent and Child. Sure, I know what you’re thinking. “They are my child. I have to be the parent and tell them what to do, enforce the rules, and make sure they are safe.”Of course you do! But to have a long-lasting relationship with your child no matter how old they are, you must maintain a calm about you. For instance, you can be an adult by getting on you child’s level, demonstrating your equality and maturity to your child, not your superiority. You can be an adult while disciplining your child by not losing your temper. Or you can be an adult while giving hugs and kisses.

Being affectionate shows your willingness to give, even when you feel you have nothing left to give. Adults are mature, active participants in their child’s life. And, yes, adults can be parents, but parents don’t always act like adults. Now do you get it? To create a relationship with your child, no matter what your temperament, you must be a mature, loving adult as well as a parent.

Jennifer Ryan, M.Ed., LPCLicensed Psychotherapist http://www.iChooseChange.com

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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jennifer_M_Ryan

The Mission of Fatherhood

Posted on September 28th, 2008 in Parenting

Father’s Day is just around the corner. To all the fathers in the world, congratulations! At least you still have time to read my article. Fatherhood has always been challenging and I can tell you that from experience.It’s still fresh in my memory when my eldest child, immediately after she was born, held my hand for the first time as she showered me with her sweet smile.

That was an exhilarating experience . . . and yet that golden moment introduced me to fatherhood. I felt like I was in heaven for a while.

I’ve been a father now for 15 years and it can be tough at times. But overall, it’s been a rewarding journey. It’s been an enjoyable, exciting ride! Believe it or not, I still smile simply because I’ve considered my children as precious gifts unmatched by any gold or treasures in the world.They’ve given me much joy. Now, I’ve given them back what they rightfully deserve. Allow me to share with you (all the fathers out there) what I’ve committed to do.As a father, you should commit to four selfless acts so your children can reach their full potential.

Set house rules
If you want peacefulness and camaraderie to reign in your household, establish house rules right away. Let your children know the dos and don’ts when they’re old enough to understand. Instill discipline and be consistent and firm. Don’t change your rules simply because they are inconvenient. Avoid favoritism by letting one child get away with some rules. Encourage responsibility and accountability by showing that infractions have corresponding consequences.

Show your love
Shower your children will love. Laughter, hugs, and kisses should be part of your daily routine. Provide advice. Give comfort and security. Let excitement and surprises abound. Let them laugh. As a father, you decide the predominant mood in your household. Do you want your home to be happy? Or sad, anxious, or distressed?

You have a choice. You have the power to create the emotional tone.Instill hope Let your children feel important. Let them express their opinions, concerns, emotional hurts, sources of excitement, and goals. Let them feel good not only about their present but also about their tomorrow. Instill optimism by focusing on positive, uplifting developments rather on discouraging ones. Cultivate a positive attitude by focusing on their skills, talents, and victories rather than on their weaknesses and defeats. Always put them on a pedestal.

Create a mission
Your mission is not just to feed, shelter, and clothe your children. Your mission is to create opportunity, to guide them in finding their passion, to teach them so they can gain wisdom and build character. Your mission is to show them the right path and help find their wings so they can thrive and . . . fly.

Growing up in the Philippines, we didn’t have much. But my father gave me something that I will always treasure. During our long walks in the field together, Papa instilled in me confidence and positive mind-set. He made me believe in myself. As early as age ten, he was already sure that I’d be a physician someday.He showed me that in life we have only two choices - to either progress or regress, to either add or subtract, to either succeed or fail. For him, the choice is clear.He showed me the importance of education. In fact, he implanted in me that education is more valuable than money. He expressed, “Nobody can steal your degree away from you. Once you attain it, you’ll own it forever.”

This is an advice from a man who never had a degree and despite his meager income, put all of his children to university.When he visited Clarenville last June 2007, I was thrilled to be with him once again. I was glad that after many years, I could finally thank him for all his sacrifices and for all the life lessons he selflessly shared.While walking on the beach one summer day, the right moment I’d been waiting for came. And then I finally uttered, “Thank you Papa for what you did to me. Without your sacrifice, I’d be pushing a cart with an empty stomach.”His response was unexpected but powerful. “It wasn’t me at all. It was all because of you. I’m just glad you’ve helped yourself.” Slowed down by old age, he remained committed to give his son confidence and self-respect.Fatherhood is both a journey and a destination. After all, once you become a father you will always be one regardless of the circumstance. Make the best of it, take it seriously, and have fun!

About the Author:Copyright © 2007. Dr. Michael G. Rayel - author (A 31-Day Series and First Aid to Mental Illness) psychiatrist, and inventor of emotional and social skills games — The Oikos Game Series and The CEO. Since 2005, he has published Oikos’ Insights! http://www.oikosinsights.com as an online resource for personal development. For more information, visit http://www.oikosglobal.comArticle Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Rayel

How Does Your Child Learn?

Posted on September 28th, 2008 in Parenting

Learning is the greatest adventure of life. It must be initiated in a child through careful approach. It is a well known fact that children enjoy learning.

But if by any means, he feels it is difficult there begins learning problem. From that moment onwards he will not enjoy learning, rather he would prefer shying away from it. He will consider such occasions as dangerous and would try to avoid them, not to speak about enjoying them.Parents and teachers always tell the students to learn, but never instruct them how to learn.

In reality there is no need to tell your children to learn, but it is important to tell them HOW TO LEARN Maths, English, Science etc.Here the pertinent question is: How does your child learn? The child learns through observation and nothing else. Soon after his birth, the child begins to observe what is around him He explores the world through his eyes since he cannot move a bit.
He sends his eyes around him as far as possible. He observes whatever he could see and learning happens automatically. Even though he is far away from the world of words and alphabets, he gathers information voraciously. By the time we give him knowledge regarding that the child would have collected staggering amount of information himself.

Then comes the stage of a toddler. He uses all his senses to learn touching, smelling, sucking etc. This is crucial time for parents. They may find it very difficult to make sure that the child is far from danger. The best solution may appear to them in the form of play pens. Parents find it easy and comfortable in keeping the kids in the play pen to ensure their safety.

But by doing so they are destroying the inborn curiosity of the child, thereby hampering his desire to learn.Parents should remember that their children are not seekers of some philosophy or theory. They are very practical beings and would prefer learning everything through practice.Hence it is advisable to allow them to learn everything in their own style not according to your style.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linos_M_David

Single Parenthood and Everything That Comes With It

Posted on September 27th, 2008 in News

There are known facts about single parenting. There are also undeniable misconceptions about this often-disregarded topic. Among these fallacies and truths, include:

1. A single parent exists because he or she has unbearable attitude and personality.

This is false. This can only hold true to a very little percentage of single parents. He or she may be a victim of abandonment, may be and adoptive parent, the other half of a divorce, may have hired a surrogate mother or opted for an extramarital pregnancy.

2. Single parenthood attributes to negative social, emotional and behavioral inclinations of the child.

This again is a generalization without a known basis. Only a certain amount of children of single parents go the wrong way: the same way in a normal, two-parent family. One must take into consideration the type of upbringing the parent employed - crediting him or her for making things possible despite being alone. The age, income and educational attainment of the parent are also of importance. The more emotionally mature and financially independent is the parent; the lesser is the chance for child delinquency. Lastly, the support network of the family especially a visible mother or father figure is also vital. This will give the child a sense of wholeness despite the obvious absence of one parent.

3. A variable number of single parents are females.

This is true. According to a recent study in UK done in 2005, 9% of single parents are fathers and the rest are all mothers. In addition, in most abandonment cases, the mother is left behind to carry on the pregnancy or take care of the growing child. Moreover, in a divorce, the family code firmly states that an underage child has to be left in the care of the mother until he or she reaches the mature age.

4. A number of single parents are unwed mothers out of teenage pregnancy.
This is factual. In the recent years, there has been a rise of teenage pregnancies in most countries. Most of the times, these teenagers opt not to get married or they are left by their partners before they give birth. This gives rise to an increase in single parenthood.

5. A child of a single parent has greater involvement in family affairs and decisions.
This is true to some point because it is highly dependent to the type of upbringing the parent uses. Problems like those involving money are to be made aware to these children. Because of this, most single-parent children have no dependency issues and tend to think a bit more maturely than those living in a pampered two-parent environment do.

6. There are agencies willing to help single parents.
This is a noteworthy and remarkable truth. Various NGO’s dedicate their services to the betterment of the lives of single parents. Government efforts are also underway to help them. Examples are Only Dads or Only Mums. These websites provide a venue for single parents to ask other sole parents’ help with raising their child, funding for child’s education among others.There are still a lot of unknown facts and unwanted fallacies about single parenthood. However, these are the most significant and need to be discussed.

Wendy Pan is an accomplished niche website developer and author. To learn more about single parenthood, please visit Best Parenting Advice for current articles and discussions. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Wendy_Pan

How to Lose Weight After Pregnancy, The Best Diet

Posted on September 23rd, 2008 in News

Are you feeling overweight and would you like to do something about it? Are you fed up with failing in all your past attempts with weight loss programs? You are half way toward your goal!Most women who’ve recently birthed a child are concerned about the extra pounds they’ve gained during pregnancy. For that reason, women who’ve just given birth want a customized diet they can follow while breastfeeding and that won’t require a lot of time and effort while they’re trying to settle into life with a baby.

It is only natural for a person to want to be in shape and be healthy. It is to be expected that after being sick and tired and giving birth that your body will have an impact.

Therefore, when contemplateing a post-natal diet, be certain it is adjusted to your weight reduction target and that it’s sufficiently nutritious to maintain your milk supply. A diet will only work if you stick with it. Look for one that makes your life easier without adding extra chores to create recipes and meals.

Search an after pregnancy menu that will do the belief for yourself and you will be extreme prone to place to that. You should find a way to diet that will let you have minimum problems in your day. This will keep you focused on your weight loss goals.

Along with all of this, it is imperative that exercise is involved in your dieting program. It’s true that it is difficult to begin an exercise routine, particularly once you’ve given birth, yet it is crucial for both your health and your weight reduction objectives. Just begin slowly. Therefore, begin by taking walks carrying your infant in a sling, and next move on to a running pace.

You need to find a weight loss program that not only meets your personal needs, but can be incorporated into everyday life to make a positive, permanent lifestyle change. You worked so hard to take it off - Don’t put it back on again!

Keep in mind that with a new baby at home relying on you for absolutely everything, the last thing you need is a diet that complicates your busy life. Yes, obviously it ought to be a diet that works, yet not to the extent that it dominates your life.

It is vital that it be nutricious, providing the nutrients and calorie needed to maintain your energy level throughout the day as well as aid in losing the weight gained during pregnancy.

by Ricardo d Argence

About the Author

Do you have some extra pounds? we have for you the best diets and Fat Loss Systems to get that look you desire. Factura electronica